LIFEline ONline

Oscars Deadblog

2009-02-22T16:58:00.000-08:00

So my laptop died out on me. Again. I should just buy something reliable, like a Mac.

I can't seem to find a decent online stream of the broadcast, so as much as I'd love to liveblog, I don't have a computer in front of a TV, and I can't get the oscars in the computer lab. I'll be writing a commentary of the night overall, and putting it up here tomorrow morning.

I'm so sorry!

Live from the GRAMMYS

2009-02-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

Well, live from my living room, anyways.

I'll be updating throughout the night with results and commentary, and hopefully the end product is at least somewhat coherent.

The ceremony opened with U2, singing some song, the verse of which sounded more or less ripped off from Elvis Costello's "Pump It Up" but with Bono's trademark politicization of everything.

Also, the captions projected behind the band were kinda silly and unnecessary. Although it did lend the insight that Bono didn't sing "Yeah!" when he was supposed to.

Aaaaand cut to Whitney Houston. I don't know if it's the crack rock or the Botox, but something is going on with her face.

Jennifer Hudson wins Best R&B Album. Clearly an emotional victory.

Oh snap, Paul McCartney is performing with Dave Grohl!?!? I'm getting my popcorn.

Al Green with Justin Timberlake and Keith Urban. This is what you call a performance clusterf*ck. I love me some Al Green, but I would rather the man just perform by himself. At least Urban's just playing guitar, which he isn't bad at.

This is where I would talk about Coldplay's performance, if they weren't so bloody boring that I can't bring myself to comment.

And there's Jay Z. He could rap over polka music and make it sound cool. I laugh-out-louded at the line he rapped, "It's hard to be Bobby Brown, cause you can't be Bobby then, you gotta be Bobby now." Oh, Jay.

Did they just do two performances with no awards in between? With performers like Coldplay and Carrie Underwood, I need the awards in between to give me a break.

Took a bit of a constitutional there, missed the Kid Rock performance. Oh no, however shall I sleep knowing I missed such a talented performer?

Kanye and Estelle rocked it. Great song, great outfits, I want Kanye's jacket.

Adele is the Best New Artist of the year, which I completely agree with. She's a great new talent, and she shows you don't have to be a ridiculously skanky, skinny coke addict to be a successful musician and a great performer.

Okay, Paul McCartney? Dave Grohl? Record an album together now, please. Thank you.

John Mayer wins Best Male Pop Vocal. Vent your "ha ha"s and "you suck"s below, if ya know what I'm talking about.

More to come!

The Wrestler Redacted

2009-01-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

As detailed in my column in Wednesday's paper, Mickey Rourke had announced at the Screen Actors Guild Awards that he was going to appear at Wrestlemania, and possibly even wrestle.

This was followed by a genuinely awful exchange between Rourke and WWE Superstar Chris Jericho on Larry King Live, during which Rourke was clearly not playing ball with the pro wrestler.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but in my article I expressed the opinion that Rourke should not appear at the event, and instead concentrate on his return to acting, and being taken seriously by Hollywood.

A massive influx of comments took that as to mean that I hate wrestling, most of which probably came from this guy:

"It's still real to me!"

Now today, Mickey Rourke's agent announced that he's pulling out of the Wrestlemania appearance, to focus on his acting. Now I don't want to say "I told you so," but...

Now I'm not going to do the victory dance yet, because there's still a chance that he may show up.

When the WWE is involved, the words "too shameless" have no meaning, so there's no saying that they didn't say he won't show, just to further the storyline.

Also, its perfectly believable that he's saying he won't show for now, just to keep it from harming his chances at the Academy Awards, only to re-announce his participation after the ceremony.

So there's no saying what's really going on, until we get some de facto confirmation from either the Roure or McMahon camp.

I for one, would like to see Mickey Rourke's experience in a wrestling ring to remain in Darren Aronofsky's film.

ROUGH riders

2009-01-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

These are words I thought I'd never type, but Central Michigan University could use to learn a thing or two from Corey Densmore.

Personal opinions of the guy aside, he is putting on the best concerts in Mt. Pleasant right now.

His Diamonds in the Rough promotion is bringing bigger-named acts like The Hard Lessons or Dan Deacon and pairing them with the local startups he nurtures, like The Valley Ghosts and Ultramark, and it makes for an astounding show.

Last night's show was incredible. The Valley Ghosts, Frontier Ruckus, Mason Proper, The Great Lakes Myth Society and The Hard Lessons, all playing in the historic Broadway theater. It was up-close, personal, hip, high-energy, and all flavors of fun.

In comparison, CMU Program Board's "big" winter concert was Friday night. They brought Josh Gracin, the country-singin' American Idol also-ran.

Sure, he's a name, but is the music any good? What's wrong with bringing up-and-comers who play genuinely great music instead of has-beens and never-wills that may have a marginal level of name recognition?

Why bring Josh Gracin or Yung Joc when you could pay less for Great Lakes Myth, or Otto Vector? You might not get the mass of country fans, but good people who like good music would attend, and you wouldn't lose money on the venture.

Also, just in case somebody from Program Board is reading--would it kill ya to book Lemon Demon?

Advanced Manliness

2009-01-23T18:28:00.000-08:00

I, for one, am pumped for "The Expendables."

Written and directed by Sylvester Stallone, "Expendables" is a straightforward men-on-a-mission action flick about a group of mercenaries overthrowing a dictator in South America.

Starring Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and MICKEY ROURKE, this ridiculously cool-sounding project starts filming next month with hopes of being the premiere testosterone-palooza of 2010.

And then today, this picture of Stallone, in shape and made up with the tattoos for his role of merc Barney Ross, hit the Web:

THE MAN IS 62 YEARS OLD AND HAS NO BUSINESS HAVING ABS LIKE THAT.

That makes me, as a 21-year-old keyboard-jockey, whimper with jealousy and latent homosexual urges.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'm going to the store for whey protein and those p90X videos.

2008 in video games: A Top Ten Adventure

2009-01-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

2008 was a great year for gamers, with enough A-list games to leave even casual gamers penniless and friendless. Here is my incredibly opinionated and biased cream of the crop.

10. Prince of Persia

It was a fight between "PoP" and "Gears of War 2" for this spot. While "GoW2" is a stellar game, it suffers from "Halo 3"-itis, offering little more than the features offered in the original game.

"Prince of Persia," on the other hand, offers gameplay completely different than previous entries in the series, and a visual design like none seen before. The gameplay, though overly forgiving, is engaging and exciting, the story and characters are compelling, and the visuals are ethereal and beautiful to watch in motion.

In this house, artistry and innovation win over name-power.

9. Fable II

Still rather simplistic for the "Life simulator" designer Peter Molyneux touted the first game to be, it was a fantastically detailed adventure-RPG that was worth the hours and hours of gameplay. A messed up economy system couldn't keep the main gameplay of adventure and combat in a world that reacts to your decisions from being tons of fun.

8. Dead Space

Ironically, the year that fresh breath is given to survival-horror games is the year that there is not a new "Resident Evil." The story is stellar, the environment is eerie and invokes a space-version of "Bioshock" at times. The sound design is also extremely commendable, and all-around the production values of this game are absolutely top-tier.

7. Left 4 Dead

Squad-based, first-person zombie-killin' action adds an exciting breath of fresh air to the over-a-decade-old survival-horror genre. Either online or with live friends, multiplayer is this game's golden goose. The dynamic between the players is fantastic, as the four survivors quite literally live or die by each other.

6. Far Cry 2

A first-person sandbox adventure in a nondescript warring country, where your character can affect the outcome of the conflict, while trying to survive his affliction of malaria.

A few strange choices keep this from being an absolutely amazing game, and travel time can be killer, but the gorgeous environments, fun run-and-gun gameplay and first-person sandbox dynamic makes this game worth the hours of driving a jeep through the gorgeously rendered jungle while popping malaria pills.

5. Super Smash Bros. Brawl

The best fighting game of the year wasn't Soul Calibur 4, and most certainly wasn't Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. That honor goes to Smash Bros., which, like those other games, had some very strange guest stars. Whoever thought putting Sonic and Solid Snake in a balls-crazy party-friendly fighting game with Mario and Pikachu should get a medal.

4. Fallout 3

This game blurs the lines between FPS and RPG the way only Bethesda can.

Following up a ten-year-old classic game is a daunting task, but this game passed all expectations. Sprawling, complex, engaging and fun, "Fallout 3" will suck up hours and hours of time.

3. Metal Gear Solid 4

This game is absolutely bugf*ck insane. It's overblown, over-indulgent, and you'll spend as much time watching the game as playing the game.

Still, it's an absolutely fascinating experience like no other game can provide. The Big Crazy lends to the Magical Moments that will stick in your gamer-brain for the rest of eternity. The Metal Gear vs. Metal Gear fight, the honest-to-God espionage section in Eastern Europe, where you are required to be stealthy in a way you never have in a MGS game. It's absolutely insane, but it's also insanely satisfying, and is probably the number-two killer app to have on the Playstation 3.

2. LittleBigPlanet

...And this would be the number one killer app for the PS3.

This absolutely brilliantly platformer blends the line between gamer and game designer. Infinitely replayable by downloading levels others have made, the level designer to create your own is one of the most robust and flexible tools released to the public for making games. You can make your own platforming levels, but you can also use it to turn the game into something else: You can make your own storylines, turn it into a murder mystery, a trivia contest, a role-playing game. There probably are technical limits to LittleBigPlanet's creation system, but it's more likely to reach the limits of the imagination first.

1. Grand Theft Auto IV

The GTA games have become such huge productions, it's always shocking that they are some of the most coherent games, with stories that aren't only gigantic, sprawling, and interactive, but also incredibly well-written.

The tale of Niko Bellic is one of hope, heartbreak, and disillusionment of the American Dream. It's also a bloody, insane tale of theft, murder, car chases, shootouts, and explosions that takes place in a gorgeous, gigantic city that seems to live and breathe around Niko. Not only is this the Game of the Year, but one could spend an ENTIRE year playing nothing but this game and never be tired.

2008 in bad and disappointing movies: A series of Top Five Adventures

2009-01-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make.

I haven't seen "The Wrestler" yet.

I wrote out my Top Ten Movies of 2008 post, and put the wrestler on it, but felt it would be best to wait until actually having seen the movie to post it. So that will probably be up at the end of the week. Until then, you'll have to settle with a pair of top fives, for the worst and most disappointing movies of the year.

Most disappointing movies of 2008

5. Cloverfield

There was a lot of hype and high hopes for this movie, and although it wasn't necessarily bad, "Cloverfield" certainly did not live up to expectations.

This super-cool concept was marred by hammy acting, a ridiculous looking monster, and camera work that would make the Blair Witch lose her biscuits.

4. Hamlet 2

The advertising and trailers for this movie promised a raunchy, controversial, creative comedy, and what audiences got was a pretty safe movie that never moves beyond the raunch introduced in the trailer.

"Hamlet 2" never delivered any huge laughs, but Steve Coogan's wild-eyed, lovable performance in the lead saved the movie. The problem is that it shouldn't have to.

3. Hancock

What this movie promised was a wise-eyed sendup of superhero movies, featuring an alcoholic superbeing and the PR guru trying to clean him up. And that's what we got--for the first half of the movie.

At almost the exact halfway point of the movie, the focus shifts from Hancock's behavior to his relationship with the PR guy's wife, played by Charlize Theron, who has similar powers to Hancock, and claims that they share the same fate

At this point the movie stops being funny. Very soon after, it stops making sense. Somehow Hancock and Charlize are linked, and when they get close to one another, their powers weaken. But it doesn't seem to always work like that all the time, and the climax of the movie hinges on logic that either wasn't explained or isn't there at all.

A great concept marred by sloppy handling. I would actually like to see Will Smith come back for a "Hancock 2"--with a new director and screenwriters that can do the movie right.

2. Speed Racer

Now don't get me wrong, because I actually liked "Speed Racer." Visually, it was the most stunning thing I've ever seen. It was colorful, visceral, completely fresh and altogether insane. And John Goodman suplexes a ninja.

However, as far as being a coherent film, it falls a little bit. The plot is both sloppy and simplistic, dialogue is stilted and there are only a handful of worthwhile performances.

Those looking for more visual innovation from the Wachowski Brothers were doubtlessly thrilled by this movie. Those that were hoping the Wachowskis would climb out of the hole they dug themselves with the "Matrix" sequels and create another genuinely great movie remain wanting.

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

19 years.

Movie lovers around the world waited 19 years for a new "Indiana Jones" movie, and this is what they got. CGI gophers and monkeys. Nuclear bomb-proof refrigerators. Unbearably phony Russian accents. Shia LaBeouf. The list of complaints goes on an on.

I think this movie recaptured the look of the old "Indy" flicks on the most superficial levels, but absolutely failed to FEEL like Indiana Jones. The action never stops long enough for tension to builds. The characters never stop to THINK. There's never any feeling that Indy is in peril after the first 15 minutes because HE ALREADY SURVIVED HAVING AN ATOMIC BOMB DETONATED ON TOP OF HIM.

Spielberg and Lucas have already begun talking about an Indy 5. Unless they are planning to get back to the high-tension adventure escapism of the previous films, I think the majority of the viewing audience would rather if they didn't bother.

Worst movies of 2008

5. Punisher: War Zone

Yes, it was a bad movie. It bombed, and rightfully so. But that's not to say it wasn't fun.

The story is childishly simple. The editing is pretty poor. The acting--save for Ray Stevenson, the best Punisher ever--is atrocious. The villain is laughable. This is not a good movie.

But Stevenson's psychotic, determined Punisher and his hard-core crimefighting make this movie an absolute riot. The Punisher grabs a bad guy and PUNCHES A HOLE THROUGH HIS FACE. Another bad guy is jumping from rooftop to rooftop, only to get hit midair by a rocket-propelled grenade and disappear into a red mist. Wayne "Newman" Knight shows up as a weapons-dealer, for crying out loud.

I recognize this as a bad movie. But it was the most fulfilling, entertaining bad movie of the year, so I guess it can take that as a victory (because the movie certainly had no victories in the box office). This is a movie to watch with buddies on a Bad Movie Night. Wait three years, and this will play on TBS from then until forever.

4. Max Payne

I would have not thought it possible, but "Max Payne" manages to essentially be an even less-intelligent "Punisher" movie. It tries to be visually interesting but ends up distracting, the story is essentially gobbledygook, the action is uninteresting, and star Mark Wahlberg does nothing to save this sinking ship.

The movie's one saving grace may be the brief appearance of Olga Kurylenko, who would later be seen as the Bond girl in "Quantum of Solace." I don't think she had really been in anything significant before this. Don't by any means think I'm calling "Max Payne" significant, but that's just an interesting little piece of trivia.

3. Doomsday

CMU film professor Ken Jurkiewicz loved this movie. I love Dr. J, but on this point I could not disagree with him more. This movie is derivative of things like "Road Warrior" and "28 Days Later," without managing to be half as interesting. This is not a horror movie, and tilts more towards action, but the copious amount of gore in this movie is played more for gross-outs than thrills, and the lingering camera on decapitated heads and acts of cannibalism both throws the movie completely off-pace and makes the audience totally uncomfortable. Not even worth seeing for a laugh.

2. TIE: Disaster Movie/Meet the Spartans

I don't want to dignify Friedberg and Seltzer by putting their cultural regurgitations at the top of this list. They're crap. Everybody knows it. I'm pretty sure even Friedberg and Seltzer know it. Nobody could churn out movies like this so quickly and humorlessly without knowing that what they are making is total drivel. In an economic climate where so many people are desperate for jobs, how is it that these two hacks are still making movies?

1. The Spirit

I can't believe anybody thought this was a good idea. Frank Miller, a comic book writer that has no experience directing, and hasn't even written a good comic in ten years, turns in the most flaccid, ineffective, poorly written, poorly directed, poorly acted attempt at cinema to make its way to theaters in a long time. He surrounded himself with talented people and adds a black mark to their IMDb pages--legendary cinematographer Bill Pope, for example, who still makes this movie look as good as possible.

Don't see this. Don't buy this. Don't give movie studios any motivation to give Miller another directing job. This movie sucks so bad.

Your geek movie update

2009-01-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

We take a break from your regularly scheduled end-of-year-list programming to give you an update on upcoming geek movies:

-A Japanese trailer for "Watchmen" has found its way online, showing some new clips, detailing how the story's history is different than the real world. There's a scene of a legendary American assassination and then a main character walking away with a sniper rifle. I got chills, and am thrilled that Zak Snyder seems to be pulling no punches.

Although Fox has won the initial property rights for the movie, WB is not slowing down at all with its publicity for this movie.

Curiously, the latest in its monthly behind-the-scenes features was posted to MySpace, which is indeed owned by News Corp., which also owns Fox. Does one hand at News not know what the other is doing, or is this foreshadowing of an inevitable out-of-court settlement?

-DC cult favorite Western comic "Jonah Hex" has long been in development for a movie adaptation. "No Country For Old Men" and "W" star Josh Brolin has been attached to play the scarred hero for a while now, but the production finally has a director.

Jimmy Hayward, who has previously worked primarily in animation, will direct "Jonah Hex." Hayward most recently made his directorial debut with "Horton Hears a Who!" and before that worked in Pixar's animation department on all their features from "Toy Story" through "Finding Nemo," and before that worked on geek-favorite 3D cartoon "Reboot."

2008 in Movies: A Top Ten Adventure

2009-01-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

This is the one I'm expecting to cause the most disagreement.

10. Burn After Reading

Even the Coen Brothers' B-game is better than most directors' A-game. The sloppy, confusing plot and a conclusion basically say that life is sloppy and confusing and why should movies be any different. Even though it is basically a cinematic "Eff You," an ensemble of stellar knock-out performances make this movie a must-see.

9. Tropic Thunder

This is the funniest comedy of 2008.

Sure, there may be other movies that are considered comedies higher up on the list, but "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" also has some heavy elements of tragedy, and "WALL-E" holds a heavy message, and plays more for emotional resonance than guffaws.

As far as movies designed to make you chuckle, "Pineapple Express," "Role Models," and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" have nothing on "Tropic Thunder."

Biting, offensive, violent and intelligent, "Thunder" is Ben Stiller's best movie since "Zoolander," and features two of the best comedic performances of the decade, courtesy of Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise. This is the movie to be quoting with your friends for the next three years or so.

8. Iron Man

Jon Favreau and Robert Downey Jr. brought something to this movie that has been desperately missing from superhero action movies--intelligence.

Although its comic book smarts would be topped later in the summer by a certain other superhero film, its fun-loving vibe, quotable quips and super-likable lead man remained tops.

7. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

A heartbreaking look at the 20th Century brought to life with stellar performances by Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchette in the leads.

Allowing a few of his strange choices in handling this story, director David Fincher constructed this film elegantly, and it was probably the best Christmas release, if not the highest grossing.

6. Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Woody Allen found his niche years ago, and has spent decades carving it out. Possibly his best film in years, it features a stellar performance by Javier Bardem, who is decidedly much more charming and much less creepy than in "No Country for Old Men."

5. Gran Torino

Clint Eastwood is so manly that his sweat is 80 proof.

This movie about a crotchety, racist war vet (who may be wearing Dirty Harry's underpants) protecting his neighbors from gang violence shows not only that Clint Eastwood is a skilled director, but he's still got the charisma to carry a movie and the ability to do action. It doesn't reach the bar of "Million Dollar Baby," but it comes darn close.

4. Frost/Nixon

Before seeing this, I wasn't sold on Frank Langella as Richard Nixon, and the trailers didn't win me over.

But oh man, do not count this guy out. It is an astounding performance that gets in the head of the former President, and embodies him in the way no other actor has. Ron Howard doesn't let the movie get carried on this performance, however, and turns in his best film since "Apollo 13."

3. The Wrestler

Mount Pleasant isn't getting "The Wrestler," so I'm writing this based on what others have said, because I don't want a repeat of last year where I named "Grindhouse" movie of the year because I had yet to see "No Country for Old Men" or "There Will Be Blood."

Mickey Rourke won a Golden Globe for this last night, and it's easy to see why. He may be a difficult-to-work-with man-diva, but when he commits to a role, he puts his blood, guts and soul into it. That, along with a killer supporting cast, brand new song by Bruce Springsteen, and sublime direction from the superb Darren Aronofsky will almost certainly have me driving to Lansing to see this movie because Celebration Cinemas of Mount Pleasant seems to actively avoid showing awards-season movies.

2. WALL-E

This movie has heart, soul, charm, intelligence, and a message. Oh, and it's freaking GORGEOUS to look at.

How Pixar keeps picking folks out of their animation department that have never directed before and keep turning out gems like this is beyond me, but I hope they continue. Andrew Stanton makes magic with this movie, making some of the most expressive, emotive, relatable robot characters ever in a movie, and telling an amazing story where the main characters almost NEVER talk.

Also, any director of an animated movie who decides the only live-action character in the film should be played by Fred Willard is absolutely on the right track.

1. The Dark Knight

Call me a fanboy. Call me a nerd. I can take it. This was the best movie of the year.

Comic nerds will always talk about the psychology of Batman in great depth, as a reaction to the mainstream public who see him as a childish character with homosexual undertones. This movie outdoes even the most fervent Batman fan in terms of asserting the character's depth and assertiveness, and fictional value.

This film takes a character that has been a part of the public consciousness in one form or another for 70 years, and boils him down to the core of his character in a fascinatingly twisted, noirish moral tale.

At times Batman has been a hero, a detective, a martial artist, a father figure, a violent loner, and so many other things, but that's not the true character. The true character is the one seen here: The man who wants to play God, who goes to the depths of hell to win, because he believes with every ounce of his being that he can not afford to lose. He is whatever Gotham City needs him to be, even if it's not what anybody wants him to be.

The mentality of the character has some fascinating political parallels, but there is so much more to this story than that. The movie is an outstanding crime film, a moral drama, a dark comedy, a rather traditional noir film, and the best superhero movie to ever come out, all wrapped in one package.

So much could be said about Christopher Nolan--who may very well be the Fritz Lang of this generation--for his directing ability, his supernaturally good script, and capability to handle this insanely, obscenely huge production with grace.

Let us not forget Heath Ledger. The last few years have given us a string of fantastically iconic villains. 2006 had Jack Nicholson as Frank Costello in "The Departed." 2007 had Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in "No Country for Old Men." However, I don't think 2009, 2010, or 2011 will give us a villain as haunting, nuanced, or scary as Heath Ledger's Joker.

I'm not one of those guys that thinks nobody should ever play the character again. I would love to see a talented actor put another original spin on it. However, I don't think anybody will EVER top Ledger. This performance was lightning in a bottle. It was his 7th Symphony.

Every performance, every crewmember, every word on the script, came together to make this movie magical. This is the are genre film that transcends its genre to become a bona fide classic. This is what Silence of the Lambs was to horror.

So that's my stand on 2008 in movies. Now argue with me.

2008 in Internet Fads: A Top Ten Adventure

2009-01-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

To gear up for the new year and the return of Central Michigan Life to regular publishing next week, Lifeline Online will be posting a series of "Best Of"s for the past year. Movies, music, internet fads, and even Central Michigan University itself will all be itemized and evaluated, with a grand finale of the 10 most important cultural figures in next Monday's paper.

We'll kick it off with the ten best Internet Fads of 2008.

10. "I'm F---ing Matt Damon"

It's very occasional that Jimmy Kimmel's late-night show is funny. You've basically got "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship" and this:

9. "Charlie Bit Me"

Sometimes exceedingly adorable children is all you need to get a video featured in national commercials.

8. "Italian Spiderman"

This may be quite obscure, but it also happens to be the best thing ever.

7. Miss South Carolina 2007 Caitlin Upton's incoherent response

6. Y'arr, New Facebook ahoy

A beta version of a new interface for hyper-popular social networking ubersite Facebook was put up in Summer 2008, and the new interface became permanent in September, to the loud complaining and protesting of many a high schooler. Those who took the time to learn and use the new streamlined system, however, were generally happy with it.

Another related change occurred on September 19, in observance on International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Facebook added a new language option, English (Pirate). As verbalized on this very blog, it is awesome.

5. The Internet vs. Scientology

Scientology got a one-two punch of mob-rage and idiocy this year.

Scores of mass-coordinated protests and rallies against the Church of Scientology were carried out in front of Scientology centers around the world several days last year. Carried out under the name "Project Chanology," the protesters coordinated their protests mainly over the imageboard 4Chan.

4. Joker becomes a meme

After the dynamite opening of "The Dark Knight" this summer, the internet was infatuated with the late Heath Ledger's Joker. One could not go onto a forum without seeing "Why so serious?'

3. Puppy Cam!

A webcam trained on a box full of Shiba Inu puppies became one of the most fad-tastic stops on the Internet last year, and were featured on everything from CNN to Bill O'Reilly.

Because who doesn't love puppies?

2. Twitter

Because sometimes spending 10 minutes updating a blog is too much work.

This social networking site, revolving around 140-character or less mini-posts, has seen its user base double in the last year. Media outlets from newspapers, websites and TV networks to Joe the Blogger are all twittering up a storm, with no sign of slowing from the Little Social Network That Could.

1. Rickrolling

The Internet knows the rules and so do I.

Technically beginning late 2007 in the dark orifice of the Internet known as the 4Chan imageboards, the act of Rickrolling is tricking somebody into unexpectedly watching a video of the '80s hit "Never Gonna Give You Up," by Rick Astley. Starting in the early part of the year, the phenomenon grew astronomically.

Rickrolls found their way to sporting events, and board meetings, and YouTube got in on the fun for April Fools' Day, turning every link on their frontpage into a Rickroll.

During the madness of the election, an Obama-themed spinoff known as the "Barackroll" became a huge hit, made from clips of Barack Obama's speeches edited together so that he sings the entire song.

The swan song for this phenomenon came at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, when Rick Astley appeared on a float and performed approximately a minute of the song, effectively Rickrolling an entire national holiday.

2008 will forever be remembered as the Year of the Rickroll. Mainly because, God willing, this fad will not continue into 2009.

In Low SPIRITs

2008-12-15T13:52:00.001-08:00

Blackfilm.com has a special feature on Frank Miller's upcoming "The Spirit," including six clips from the film.

I've read "The Spirit" comics. They were good. There have been good Spirit comics even after the loss of Will Eisner (so brilliant that the comic book industry's annual awards are named after him).

This, ladies and gentlemen, is not The Spirit.

It hardly looks like a movie.

This will be crap. Mark my words.

If you need more proof, a trusted contributor to Ain't It Cool News calls it worse than "Battlefield Earth," thus being the WORST MOVIE EVER.

You are warned.

I CAN'T WAIT...

2008-12-11T12:03:00.001-08:00

To see how bad the live-action "Dragonball" movie really is.

Coming from Fox, how stupid this looks is really no surprise. It looks like "Dragonball" by way of the Fox "X-Men" movie franchise. And where did that stupid "Evolution" subtitle come from, anyways?

That really makes me think we're going to sit through one of the more absurd parts of Dragonball lore: Goku turning into a gigantic killer monkey.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Bulletpoints for my valentine

2008-11-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

Points of interest:

-Holly Stamps takes a bite out of "Twilight"

-Brad Canze sniffs the behind of "Bolt"

-Rebecca Illson gives a "Swift" review of Taylor Swift's "Fearless"

-Feature-length "Arrested Development" film likely, say producer-narrator Ron Howard and writer-director Mitch Hurwitz

-Teaser trailer for Astro Boy online. Somewhere, an anime geek just peed.

-The trailer for my pre-season pick for the 2008 Best Picture Oscar, "The Wrestler"

Ridley Scott Passes GO

2008-11-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

Fan-favorite director Ridley Scott, the man responsible for such movies as "Blade Runner," "Alien," and "American Gangster," is signed on to direct a film adaptation of "Monopoly."

Yes, THIS "Monopoly":

Granted, this isn't the first time a board game would be adapted into a feature film, but at least "Clue" had a plot to begin with. I have a hard time seeing how "Monopoly" could have a coherent plot and not be exactly like "Wall Street."

Furthermore, there is an absolute necessity to include the face of Monopoly, Rich Uncle Pennybags, AKA Mr. Monopoly. My vote is for J.K. Simmons, J. Jonah Jameson from "Spider-Man":

But that's not even the weirdest part. The Hollywood Reporter's article states that this is only part of a development deal between Hasbro and Universal Pictures, that includes the in-production "G.I. Joe" movie, the television game show "Trivial Pursuit: America Plays," and feature films based on "Battleship," and "Ouija Board."

HOW DO YOU MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT A OUIJA BOARD????

"Aw, HELL naw."

2008-11-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

According to my favorite site ever Variety, Will Smith's son Jaden is set to star in a remake of "The Karate Kid."

Yeah, the kid with the 'fro from "The Pursuit of Happyness."

Starring in "The Karate Kid."

There is no way this is going to end well.

I'll take bets on who will play the Mr. Miyagi role: Jackie Chan or Papa Will?

An affront to nature

2008-11-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

There are some things that nature should keep from ever happening.

Cats and dogs mating.

Humans growing wings.

Dolphins learning to use machine guns.

STEVEN SPIELBERG AND WILL SMITH TEAMING UP TO REMAKE KOREAN CLASSIC "OLDBOY."

A Variety of News

2008-11-06T10:21:00.000-08:00

If there is one source movie fans should keep tabs on, besides for naturally this blog, it's Variety. They get more scoops than Rosie O'Donnell at a Coldstone.

First off, Variety reports on two Greek mythology-themed action-epics ("300" ripple-effect, anyone?) which have begun casting. A remake of the '81 cult classic "Clash of the Titans" is in the works, with Sam Worthington to step into Harry Hamlin's sandals as Perseus. The remake, directed by "Incredible Hulk" and "Transporter" helmer Louis Leterrier, is mapped for a 2010 release.

In other news, "War of the Gods," which is clearly not the exact same thing, is looking at "Tudors" actor Henry Cavill to play Theseus.

Both films will be filmed "300"-style, largely in front of green screens, and are TOTALLY not the exact same thing.

In other neat casting news, Sylvester Stallone is signed to direct and star in "The Expendables," from a script he wrote. Jason Statham is signed to co-star, and Jet Li is in final talks.

The film, which has the most generic plot synopsis in the history of synopses, will follow a team of mercenaries on a mission to overthrow a South American dictator.

And apparently one of them will be old as hell.

"Yesterday..."

2008-10-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

...I never thought there was a chance to see Beatles music in a video game.

But now it seems so far away.

At 10:00 this morning, Harmonix/MTV Networks and Apple Corps, the company started by the Beatles that handles all their business, announced that a brand new music game will be released featuring the Fab Four's music in Winter 2009.

Although news sources are already reporting it, Gamedaily has a live-updated transcript of the conference call in which the conference was made. The transcript is in reverse-chronology, though, because it was constantly updated. So, if you want the information to be coherent, start at the bottom.

The "Rock Band" developer said the game will be similar to "Rock Band," although the game will be freshly built from the ground up, and be tailored specifically to Beatles' music. Similarities between the new game and "Rock Band" are expected, however.

Personally, I just can't wait for a guitar peripheral shaped like this:

Unquestionable signs of the apocolypse

2008-10-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Guns N' Roses' "Chinese Democracy" is actually going to come out, for real.

After nine years of fighting and struggling, "Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" is filming.

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

2008-10-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Twelve hours until my birthday, and I'm such a benevolent guy that I'M going to give a present to YOU:

For the record, he's playing a Kazookeylele.

ITEMS:

-Terrence Howard is off "Iron Man 2" and nobody was more surprised than Terrence Howard.

-Max Payne was horrible.

-W. was pretty good.

-Brett Dennen may look like the Danny Tamberelli from "Pete and Pete," but he's actually the guy who opened for John Mayer on tour this summer, and his music is pretty darn good.

-Zack Snyder's "Watchmen" screened in Portland, and the hearsay is that the ending was RADICALLY changed from the book. Check out Rich Johnston's Lying in the Gutters on CBR this evening, and there will hopefully be more. UPDATE: LITG is up, and Johnston reports that the ending was completely different, but the word is that Snyder filmed multiple endings, including the bizarre extraterrestrial squid-feint that was the ending of the book.

So I wish the best of weeks to all of you on this fine Monday. Hopefully I'll post in a few days, but chances are, I'll look like this within 12 hours:

Punching superheroes

2008-10-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

By this point, it's no secret that I'm a fan of comic books and superheroes, as well as video games.

This autumn has a couple of interesting offerings for people like me, in the form of two very interesting superhero video games.

Firstly, October 21 sees the release of "Spider-Man: Web of Shadows," a non-movie-based game which sees Venom reproducing his alien symbiote, and the resulting clones attack and take over people all over New York.

Those turned into Venom-style monsters include The Vulture, Black Cat, and Wolverine. There will be guest-stars from all corners of the Marvel Universe, including the aforementioned characters as well as SHIELD, Luke Cage, Moon Knight, Black Widow, and others.

The game will build off of the basis of the previous Spidey video games, so expect high-flying, action-packed beat-em-up action with high-octane webslinging mechanics.

As cool as this game sounds, I don't think the trailer could be more depressing:

Looks a lot like the recent "Venom Bomb" arc in the "Mighty Avengers" comic, but hopefully with less Bendis-style "Skip the action sequences in favor of pages-long exchanges of dialogue" storytelling.

Also, one last note that I would like to convey to everybody working on Spider-Man video games, cartoons, movies and comics for the next few years:

GIVE THE BLACK SUIT A REST ALREADY.

We will now segway from talking about Venom to a couple of other culturally dated relics from the early-to-mid nineties: Alex Ross and "Mortal Kombat."

"Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe" will be released in early November, and is a fighting game where the world of Mortal Kombat collides with the world of Batman, Superman, and that whole lot of superhumans.

Ignoring the fact that I'm sure I will play it, this game has been a geek-rage sticking point for me since it was announced. Although I have no problem with seemingly random mash-ups like hyper-violent video game fighters taking on big shiny superheroes, I have problems with how it's being handled.

How can Sonya Blade have a chance of besting Superman in a hand-to-hand fight? How do you perform fatalities on god-like characters like Captain Marvel and Darkseid? Why would you do something as benign and uncharacteristic as turning The Joker into a hand-to-hand fighter?

And most importantly, how can you have a fighting game featuring Batman, when Batman never loses a fight, ever?

That said, I am PUMPED to play a Green Lantern vs. Raiden fight, from both sides of the conflict.

And now, it's been announced that the special "Kollector's Edition" of the game will feature a 16-page comic by MK ko-kreator John Tobias, and cover art by overrated painter Alex Ross.

First of all, that looks like the movie poster for some terrible 80s fantasy flick. If somebody ever made a sequel to "Labyrinth," this is what the promotional materials would look like.

Secondly, Ross' style is hyper-photorealistic, and he draws EVERYTHING from photo reference, which begs the question, why not just use pictures? Also, his incessant photo-referencing gives his male superheroes the tendency to look like his doughy, middle-aged next-door neighbors.

So, I'm closing this post with a list of artists, which I am pulling off the top of my head, whose art would make a better cover than that of Alex Ross:

"I'm just your friendly neighborhood cash cow!"

2008-10-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

There may not be an entity on the planet capable of spending more money than U.S. Congress as of late, but goshdarnit if "Lion King" and "Across the Universe" auteur Julie Taymor from trying.

She has been working for years on a Broadway musical adaptation of "Spider-Man" (which is already failed to be less awesome than "Italian Spiderman"), scheduled to open its doors next year.

Michael Riedel's NY Post-sense is tingling with the news that the show is going to cost $35-40 million just to get it to the stage, and consecutive weekly costs of $1 million to keep the show running.

What does that mean?

"Spider-Man: The Musical" will never, ever make any money whatsoever.

Sure, it's a big-budget musical that's bound to cause waves, especially with an already lauded musical score by U2's Bono, but put it in perspective: If somebody spent $40 million to make a movie, and then only show that movie in one location in one city, that person would be taken to the looney bin.

As I have done in innumerable situations for the past two or so months, I would suggest taking a note from Tropic Thunder, and starting work on a documentary on the failure of the production now, in hopes that it would be more successful than the actual play.

If you want real-world examples, it worked great for "Some Kind of Monster," the documentary of Metallica writing and recording their "St. Anger" album, which was infinitely better than the album itself.

But let us not forget the broad strokes of why this will fail:

It is a BROADWAY MUSICAL based on SPIDER-MAN.

Guh.

A new generation of bike stealing...

2008-10-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

Via CinemaBlend:

A NEW "PUNCH-OUT!!"!!!

Thank you for listening to me after all these years, God.

Now if you could just get back to me about that "ROM Spaceknight" movie, we'd really be in business.

Frank Miller = "Hamlet 2"s Dana Marschz?

2008-10-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

Frank Miller is writing a new graphic novel sequel to "300," almost solely for the purpose of adapting it into a new sequel for the smash movie.

NO.

NO, NO, NO.

Firstly, like they said in "Hamlet 2," how can you have a sequel if all the main characters are dead?

Secondly, have you READ the crap Miller has written lately? His "All-Star Batman and Robin" is a caricature of his older, better stuff. There is more subtlety to be found in a bucket full of hammers.

It's all, "I'm the G**D***ed Batman!" and "I'm the f***ing Batgirl!"

What would a "300" sequel sound like? "This is Sparta, mother****er!"

If that's the case (and it probably is), Sam Jackson better start getting in leather underwear-shape.

The Casting (and Crewing) Couch

2008-09-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

I've got a lot of neat developments in upcoming movies to pass along your way, so I'm going to give you the most substantial dirt first, and then kind of jump around at my fancy from there.

And what's more substantial than snapshots? INFDaily has the first-ever pictures from the set of Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" movie.

-Most on them focus on fresh-faced Alice, Mia Wasikowska, who strangely looks simultaneously too young and too old for the role. Other shots feature a big, Burtonesque ship, Helena Bonham Carter (who looks to have an extra role in the film), her new baby and the baby daddy, an more-frazzled-looking-than-usual Burton.

Not pictured but recently announced was Johnny Depp, who is taking the role of The Mad Hatter. Johnny Depp? Playing a character with weird hair and a funny hat? In a Tim Burton movie!? GET OUT OF TOWN.

-In other Depp news, a bizarre recent announcement revealed that Depp is to play Tonto in an upcoming "Lone Ranger" movie. Even more recently, it was whispered about that George Clooney is hoping for the role of the Lone Ranger. I don't get this at all. Unless they get some brilliant script and ingenious director, this just sounds like really weird stunt-casting doomed to fail.

-In other bizarre casting announcements pertained to classic hero-adventure fiction, it was announced several months ago that Russell Crowe was going to be cast as the Sheriff of Nottingham in director Ridley Scott's upcoming "Nottingham," a Robin Hood retelling that would cast the Sheriff in a more sympathetic light. Since then, it was circulated around that the movie probably would not happen.

Recently, MTV.com got the scoop that Scott is still trying to get this darned thing made, and should it come to fruition, Robin Hood would be played by...Russell Crowe. No, that's not a typo. In what would either be a terrible medieval reimagining of Lindsay Lohan's "The Parent Trap," or a trippy "Fight Club"-in tights psycho-actioner.

Scott's comments seem to suggest the latter: "Just a good old clever adjustment of characters. One becomes the other. It changes, changes."

-Also from MTV, Kirsten Dunst has said "I'm in," in regards to "Spider-Man 4" and "5," which director Sam Raimi and star of the previous 3 Tobey Maguire have already signed on to. Although nowhere near an official announcement, Dunst is notorious for not knowing what she is or isn't allowed to say, and letting information slip before it should. As long as she doesn't sing in this one.

-Last but not least, classically trained Shakespearean actor Kenneth Branagh, best known for his adaptations of "Henry V" and "Hamlet," and the 1991 fan-favorite thriller "Dead Again," is in talks with Marvel to direct their upcoming "Thor" movie, according to Variety.

Internet reactions have been everywhere from positive to abysmal to confused. I think that Branagh is a genius choice, what with Marvel and script writer Mark Protosevich saying they want to take "Thor" in a pretty serious direction, hammer-deep in mythology, taking place mostly in the Norse heaven Asgard, and containing little to no traditional superheroics.

If you stuck through this and read this whole entry, you probably deserve a high-five. Comment below or email me at lifeline@cm-life.com to receive your high-five.

My Guitar Heroes: Jack White & El Mariachi

2008-09-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

First things first, the theme song for the new 007 flick, "Quantum of Solace," is now online for your consumption.

"Another Way to Die," by Jack White and Alicia Keyes, is available for download on iTunes, or streaming at thirdmanrecords.com.

Reactions have been heavily mixed, from people being very happy with it to StarPulse.com calling it the worst Bond song ever.

After repeated listenings, I have to say that I think it's pretty darned good. It's no "Live and Let Die" or "Goldfinger," but it's also no "Die Another Day," thank God.

It's just about what I had expected when I heard that Jack White was writing a Bond song. It is loud and sloppy, but also clever, catchy, and oddly elegant. As a fan of the White Stripes and the Raconteurs, perhaps I'm a tad biased.

As a side-note: Everybody's doing the comparison game now that this song is openly available, and there's a legion of geeks screaming that it's not as good as Chris Cornell's "You Know My Name." I just want to go on record with this:

"YOU KNOW MY NAME" IS LAME.

Finally, I'm going to do another "You Gotta See This!" today.

In 1993, there was no YouTube. Nobody had heard of Neil Cicierega or the Ask a Ninja guys, and it was extremely difficult to get your cinematic vision into the public eye without A LOT OF MONEY.

Robert Rodriguez was a young aspiring filmmaker that lived on the Texas-Mexico border, who raised $9,000 to make "El Mariachi," which was shot on location in Ciudad Acuna, where it takes place. Rodriguez raised about half of his tiny budget by participating in medical experiments.

Watching this film is astounding. It looks better than a film lit entirely on natural light and two lightbulbs has any business looking.

Essentially, it's a straightforward actioner about a mariachi guitar player who is mistaken for a feared murderer who keeps a cache of weapons inside a guitar case. It is a fun, seat-of-your-pants, live-action cartoon filled with interesting characters and memorable setpieces.

Rrodriguez has made several DVD features and commentaries, as well as a book, about all the things he did to save money on this movie--of the nine grand, he ended up spending just over seven.

This entire movie was made by Rodriguez, who shot the film while being pushed around in a wheelchair to keep movement smooth, and recorded sound with a cheap little Radio Shack recorder and microphone. The film was crewed by Rodriguez, and any actors who were not currently in the shot being filmed.

And it is one of the cooler action flicks of the early nineties, and launched a career of fun movies (and "Sharkboy and Lava Girl," but nevermind that).

To put that into perspective, in 2004, aspiring filmmaker John Fiorella shot "Grayson," a fan-film about Batman's sidekick all grown up, investigating Batman's murder. The film, little more than an extended mock-trailer, was six minutes long and cost $18,000.

And while it's a fine fan-flick, Rodriguez made an hour-and-twenty-minute film for less than half that, and got it picked up by Columbia Tristar for distribution.

Take a look at "El Mariachi," if you're I was and have never seen it before. It's a good one.

A picture says over 9000 words

2008-09-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

Everything I have to talk about today can be summed up in one picture, which I spent hours and hours of time and effort creating:

-Eric Joyce reviews "Star Wars: The Force Unleashed"

-Holly Stamps reviews "Lakeview Terrace" with Samuel "The 'L' stands for 'Loud'" Jackson

-Stephen Chow, director and star of "Kung Fu Hustle," "CJ7," and my personal favorite, "Shaolin Soccer," has been signed to Seth Rogen's "Green Hornet" movie, not only to step into Bruce Lee's shoes in the role of Kato, but also to DIRECT the thing!

I was skeptical of the movie, which would star Rogen as the Hornet, and is written by Rogen and his "Superbad" and "Pineapple Express" collaborator Evan Goldberg. But by bringing Chow on board, I am inspired to take a phrase from a friend of mine and say that "The Green Hornet" is "riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels." It will be awesome.

-Finally, with all the negative feedback that Facebook has been getting for the changes it has made, I thought I'd point out something subtle and amazing.

In celebration of "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" last Friday, Facebook added a whole pirate language to their website. If you scroll down to the bottom of any Facebook page, there will be a language toolbar, where you can choose to look at Facebook in English, Spanish, Chinese, Russian, et cetera. However, within the list is an option that says "English (Pirate)."

Instead of asking what you are doing right now in the status bar, it poses the question, "What arrr ye doin' right now?" Instead of writing on somebody's wall, you may find yourself scrawling on their plank. Instead of being tagged in photos, you may "be spied in a gallery o' paintins," and instead of attending events, and instead of starting or ending a relationship, you either get "captured by a pirate" or "become lonesome."

So awesome.

Weekend Lifeline

2008-09-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

So we had a ton of stuff go down in ways of reviews and whatnot in the second half of this week, and none of it got printed in the paper or referred to online. So like a jolly Saint Nick, I'm going to stuff three movie reviews, a concert review-coverage, a new CD review, and just for S's and G's, a CD review that printed this week, down your chimney.

-Metallica's "Death Magnetic" is like a musical confession that "St. Anger" was indeed crap.
-CMU student film premieres at local cinema, impresses without taking an extra step to greatness
-"Burn After Reading" is the Coens' cynical, indulgent post-"No Country" victory lap.
-"Righteous Kill" offers moderate psychological-thriller action, old actors yelling.
-Acoustic songbird Jessica Sonner charms the Real Food on Campus restaurant.
-"Red Letter Year" made me fall in love with Ani DiFranco.

So with the magical gift of those articles, I certainly couldn't have anything else for you today, could I?

Surprise! I am going to start a new, hopefully ongoing series of pieces called "You Gotta See This!" in which I discuss movies that have been out, and friends, critics, reviewers, and forum trolls have unendingly told me they are necessary viewing, but have simply never gotten around to watching them.

This week, I rented 2002's "Equilibrium," directed and written by Kurt Wimmer, starring Christian Bale and Taye Diggs.

The film takes place in a post-World War III future, where in order to prevent another potentially humanity-erasing war, a totalitarian government takes over and sees that all human feeling is pharmaceutically repressed.

Those who refuse to give up their emotions and feelings, called "sense offenders," are considered the highest level of outlaws, and are hunted down by special police called Grammaton Clerics and killed.

Christian Bale plays John Preston, the highest-ranking and most distinguished of these clerics. After his wife was killed as a sense offender, and he is forced to gun down his own partner for having feelings, Preston himself eventually stops taking his meds, and gives in to the forbidden world of art, emotion, love, regret, anger and revenge.

Bale is fantastic in his role, as a man who, all at once, feels a rush of emotions for the first time of his life, but has no choice but to suppress these feelings at the risk of death. More than the dialogue, his performance is in his face: The muscles tightening and bulging as he feels a rush of guilt or fear, and his eyes writing novels about the character's predicament.

Taye Diggs, although acting-wise is not even in the same atmosphere as Bale, does well as Brandt, Preston's new partner who fancies himself Preston's foil.

The underground resistance of sense offenders is criminally underused, particularly their leader, played by Bill Fichtner (most recently seen as the shotgun-wielding bank manager in "The Dark Knight").

The look of the film is slick, with flat colors, blacks and greys bathing out most of the film to reflect society's unfeeling frigidity, but jarringly bathed in warm color to represent pivotal emotional scenes.

The plot is an intriguing moral play about what makes us human, and what society would be if that were taken away. The whole thing is fascinating...until the resolution.

*Yar, thar be spoilers right ahead matey!*

After the buildup of the entire movie, Preston triumphs, but not because of his newfound emotion or anything like that.

No, Preston is victorious because of his insane combat skill, which had been established at the beginning of the movie and remains stagnant throughout. Basically, he wins because he is a bigger badass than everybody else, because that's just the way it is and that aspect of his character does not need explaining. It's anticlimactic, and detracts from the dynamic development of Bale's character throughout the movie.

"Equilibrium" is definitely an interesting movie that took the post-"Matrix" film climate and innovated on it in groundbreaking ways. However, I think the film is ultimately unfulfilling, and although worth a watch, is not a must-see.

Sequelitis: "Here we go again...Again!"

2008-09-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I hear some incredibly talented young film reviewer posted his thoughts on Nicolas Cage's latest vehicle, "Bangkok Dangerous" over at cm-life.com.

Now that we have that crappy movie out of the way, let's talk about Hollywood's favorite pastime--doing the same thing they have been doing for years and years, over and over again.

Variety reported that Columbia Pictures has co-executive producers of "The Office" Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky writing a screenplay for a third "Ghostbusters" movie. According to Variety, the film would reunite the original cast of Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson, and there are rumors that the movie may introduce some new, younger Ghostbusters as well. Ramis and Aykroyd wrote the previous two movies in the franchise.

Eisenberg and Stupnitsky recently scripted the Apatow-produced comedy "Year One," so I am guessing this is what "new" and "younger" will end up meaning:

Also, chances of Rick Moranis returning are slim, so that leaves room for a new lovable nerd character:

McLovin' in "Ghostbusters 3." I would put honest-to-God money down on it.

In other sequel news (which I believe to be an oxymoron; how can it be news if it's already happened before?), Deadline Hollywood is reporting that both director Sam Raimi and star Tobey Maguire have been signed on for "Spider-Man 4."

Sony seems hopeful to milk that deal, and shoot "Spider-Man 4" and "Spider-Man 5" back-to-back, based on a 2-movie script written by "Zodiac" scribe Jamie Vanderbilt. Reports say that although the villain has yet to be announced, audiences will immediately know who is playing him when the character is revealed, suggesting that it is a character who has appeared in some capacity in previous films.

Scads of forum talkbackers have immediately taken this to mean that Dr. Curt Connors, played in all three films by Dylan Baker, will finally make the transformation into the Lizard.

Others still are betting on a dark horse: J. Jonah Jameson's son John, Mary Jane's fiance in the second film, played by Daniel Gillies. In the comics, he becomes the villainous Man-Wolf, taking on Spider-Man a few times before marrying the She-Hulk, and becoming a space god. That's comic books for ya.

One theory that I haven't seen yet, and hopefully this is because Sony recognizes this as a terrible idea, is that the villain is Ben Reilly, AKA Scarlet Spider, an honest-to-God clone of Peter Parker who was introduced in the '70s, and absolutely refused to go away throughout most of the '90s. Although, it would be pretty obvious who would play him, no?

"Spider-Man 4: Milking It For All It's Worth" is currently slated for a May 2011 release.

End of the summer, comedies, and "comedies"

2008-08-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

I never ended up publishing a review of "Tropic Thunder."

So, the short of it is that it was my favorite comedy of the summer, depending on what genre you put "Wall-E" in.

It wasn't perfect, but it was a hilarious attack on Hollywood and the absurdities that are accepted in that society.

It's not perfect, and stumbles over some logic and pacing, and Ben Stiller should have considered casting somebody besides himself in the Tugg Speedman role. Nonetheless, it is hilarious, and contains a pair of the best performances in a comedy in years, courtesy of Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise.

In descending order of how funny they are, with links to the movies I've reviewed, is my rankings for end-of-the-summer comedies. And take notice, that just like everybody else, I didn't bother with "College."

1. "Tropic Thunder"
2. "Pineapple Express"
3. Any given Joe Biden speech
4. "Hamlet 2"
5. Getting hit in the face by Kimbo Slice:

6. Hurricane Gustav
7. "Disaster Movie"

FIRST!

2008-08-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the inaugural post of CM Life's Lifeline blog!

First order of business, I would like to bring attention to something found on TechEblog: A young man built a gigantic Super Nintendo controller.

The kicker? It actually works.

So it's cool, but I would hate to be the guy stuck playing "Mortal Kombat 2" with that thing.

Still, it's only slightly bigger than the original Microsoft Xbox controller. That was like playing a video game with a Weber grill.

Movie post coming later tonight. You know you want it.