Bulletpoints for my valentine

Points of interest:

-Holly Stamps takes a bite out of "Twilight"

-Brad Canze sniffs the behind of "Bolt"

-Rebecca Illson gives a "Swift" review of Taylor Swift's "Fearless"

-Feature-length "Arrested Development" film likely, say producer-narrator Ron Howard and writer-director Mitch Hurwitz

-Teaser trailer for Astro Boy online. Somewhere, an anime geek just peed.

-The trailer for my pre-season pick for the 2008 Best Picture Oscar, "The Wrestler"

Ridley Scott Passes GO

Fan-favorite director Ridley Scott, the man responsible for such movies as "Blade Runner," "Alien," and "American Gangster," is signed on to direct a film adaptation of "Monopoly."

Yes, THIS "Monopoly":



Granted, this isn't the first time a board game would be adapted into a feature film, but at least "Clue" had a plot to begin with. I have a hard time seeing how "Monopoly" could have a coherent plot and not be exactly like "Wall Street."

Furthermore, there is an absolute necessity to include the face of Monopoly, Rich Uncle Pennybags, AKA Mr. Monopoly. My vote is for J.K. Simmons, J. Jonah Jameson from "Spider-Man":


But that's not even the weirdest part. The Hollywood Reporter's article states that this is only part of a development deal between Hasbro and Universal Pictures, that includes the in-production "G.I. Joe" movie, the television game show "Trivial Pursuit: America Plays," and feature films based on "Battleship," and "Ouija Board."

HOW DO YOU MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT A OUIJA BOARD????

"Aw, HELL naw."

According to my favorite site ever Variety, Will Smith's son Jaden is set to star in a remake of "The Karate Kid."

Yeah, the kid with the 'fro from "The Pursuit of Happyness."

Starring in "The Karate Kid."

There is no way this is going to end well.

I'll take bets on who will play the Mr. Miyagi role: Jackie Chan or Papa Will?

An affront to nature

There are some things that nature should keep from ever happening.

Cats and dogs mating.

Humans growing wings.

Dolphins learning to use machine guns.

STEVEN SPIELBERG AND WILL SMITH TEAMING UP TO REMAKE KOREAN CLASSIC "OLDBOY."

A Variety of News

If there is one source movie fans should keep tabs on, besides for naturally this blog, it's Variety. They get more scoops than Rosie O'Donnell at a Coldstone.

First off, Variety reports on two Greek mythology-themed action-epics ("300" ripple-effect, anyone?) which have begun casting. A remake of the '81 cult classic "Clash of the Titans" is in the works, with Sam Worthington to step into Harry Hamlin's sandals as Perseus. The remake, directed by "Incredible Hulk" and "Transporter" helmer Louis Leterrier, is mapped for a 2010 release.

In other news, "War of the Gods," which is clearly not the exact same thing, is looking at "Tudors" actor Henry Cavill to play Theseus.

Both films will be filmed "300"-style, largely in front of green screens, and are TOTALLY not the exact same thing.

In other neat casting news, Sylvester Stallone is signed to direct and star in "The Expendables," from a script he wrote. Jason Statham is signed to co-star, and Jet Li is in final talks.

The film, which has the most generic plot synopsis in the history of synopses, will follow a team of mercenaries on a mission to overthrow a South American dictator.

And apparently one of them will be old as hell.