Live from the GRAMMYS

Well, live from my living room, anyways.

I'll be updating throughout the night with results and commentary, and hopefully the end product is at least somewhat coherent.

The ceremony opened with U2, singing some song, the verse of which sounded more or less ripped off from Elvis Costello's "Pump It Up" but with Bono's trademark politicization of everything.

Also, the captions projected behind the band were kinda silly and unnecessary. Although it did lend the insight that Bono didn't sing "Yeah!" when he was supposed to.

Aaaaand cut to Whitney Houston. I don't know if it's the crack rock or the Botox, but something is going on with her face.

Jennifer Hudson wins Best R&B Album. Clearly an emotional victory.

Oh snap, Paul McCartney is performing with Dave Grohl!?!? I'm getting my popcorn.

Al Green with Justin Timberlake and Keith Urban. This is what you call a performance clusterf*ck. I love me some Al Green, but I would rather the man just perform by himself. At least Urban's just playing guitar, which he isn't bad at.

This is where I would talk about Coldplay's performance, if they weren't so bloody boring that I can't bring myself to comment.

And there's Jay Z. He could rap over polka music and make it sound cool. I laugh-out-louded at the line he rapped, "It's hard to be Bobby Brown, cause you can't be Bobby then, you gotta be Bobby now." Oh, Jay.

Did they just do two performances with no awards in between? With performers like Coldplay and Carrie Underwood, I need the awards in between to give me a break.

Took a bit of a constitutional there, missed the Kid Rock performance. Oh no, however shall I sleep knowing I missed such a talented performer?

Kanye and Estelle rocked it. Great song, great outfits, I want Kanye's jacket.

Adele is the Best New Artist of the year, which I completely agree with. She's a great new talent, and she shows you don't have to be a ridiculously skanky, skinny coke addict to be a successful musician and a great performer.

Okay, Paul McCartney? Dave Grohl? Record an album together now, please. Thank you.

John Mayer wins Best Male Pop Vocal. Vent your "ha ha"s and "you suck"s below, if ya know what I'm talking about.

More to come!